Numb
by Mrs Jacen Solo
Summary: Jacen has a talk with his family when he captures them aboard the Anakin Solo.  SPOILERS for Legacy series. Song is by Likin Park and i don't claim ownage to anything but the plot.


Numb

Takes place sometime during the Legacy Series. Before Sacrifice.

Song from Linkin Park… (Greatness..)

"Jacen, why?!"

Jacen looked at his father without saying anything. He had nothing to say to this traitor.

"Please." Han whispered, begging for his son to come back.

_Is he going to cry? _Jacen thought to himself. _I knew he was weak but I never imagined this __weak_

Han took Leia's hand in his. She was horribly injured when she, Han, Jaina, Ben, and Luke had raided the _Anakin Solo_ and were found by one of Jacen's loyal officers. _N_ow they were in his custody.

"Why?" It was Han's final attempt at understanding his son.

Jacen focused all attention on him. "I don't want to be you!"

_I'm tired of being what you want me to be. Feeling so faithless- lost under the surface. I don't know what you expected of me. Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes._

Han shook his head in agony. "You were never going to be me. You were more interested in politics and the force… It makes no sense. You were such a good child. What happened?"

"You never cared for me like you did Jaina and Anakin. With your shared interests and mechanical skills. You never had time to bond with me, now did you?! Nothing I did was good enough for you- nothing I did was right in your eyes. You thought I would never make anything out of my life. Well, look at me now!" Jacen let out a horrible laugh.

_Every step that I take is another mistake to you. I've become so numb I can't feel you there. Become so tired, so much more aware. I'm becoming __this__, all I want to do is be more like me and be less like you._

"Jacen!" Luke yelled. "I can help you. I can bring you back. You just have to try."

"What? Come back to the light and be weak and unmoving?" Jacen mocked. "You Jedi never take action even when the most important thing is slowly being destroyed." He went before Luke.

"I will never be weak again." He said slowly.

"Can't you see that you are doing more evil than good? Come back to the light!" Luke tried. "You could be great without hurting others. You have so much power, I know it."

Jacen smiled wickedly. "Uncle Luke, always trying to shove the light side in my face. It won't work. I've taken that road and it was all fine and dandy.. until.." he cut off.

"Until what?" Ben asked.

"Until the day my little brother was taken from me forever, right before my eyes." Jacen looked at his hands.

_Can't you see that you're smothering me? Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control, because everything that you thought I would be, is falling apart right in front of you. Every step that I take is another mistake to you. And every second I waste is more than I can take!_

Everyone was silent for a moment and just the simple memory of Anakin brought tears to the eyes of Jacen's family. But Jacen was stronger now. He was over his grief a long time ago.

"But, that doesn't explain why you are taking over the Galaxy." Ben wouldn't meet his gaze. "There's something more, isn't there?"

Jacen didn't let any emotion out through the Force. "Something." He agreed.

"I know you, Jacen." Ben continued. "You're hiding something. Something big. What is it?"

Jacen had a brief flash of Allana's face in his mind but pushed it away. She was the only thing that mattered to him now and he wasn't going to lose her because he couldn't control his thoughts. "I'm not going to tell you."

Ben nodded as if he expected as much.

As hard as he tried to keep her away, Allana kept cropping back up in his mind. She represented everything beautiful and good- everything worth saving- and Jacen had blew it by getting banned from Hapes by his former lover, Tenel Ka.

_I've become so numb I can't feel you there. Become so tired, so much more aware. I'm becoming __this__, all I want to do is be more like me and be less like you._

"Allana." He whispered too low for the others to hear.

"Jace." Jaina stood up. "We need you."

"You thought that would bring me back?" Jacen laughed. "No offence sis, but you of all people could never bring me back. You defy direct orders- my direct orders- and strut about in that fancy starship as if YOU are the one who owns the galaxy! Pathetic."

"The only pathetic one here is you! You are so blinded by this new darkness that you can't even see how deeply you are hurting people. People that you love." Jaina reached for him but he moved away. "Tenel Ka, I don't think will ever forgive you."

_There they go again. Use my past to try to get me back. Not __gonna__ happen. Tenel Ka means nothing to me now and when I retrieve __Allana__- let's just hope the Queen Mother doesn't get in the way._

_Still- he did have a connection with Tenel Ka. Could it be love? He had loved her once but after all the lies and betrayal, could it still be?_

_And I know__ I may end up failing too! But I know__ you were just like me with someone disappointed in you!_

"General Solo. Would you like me to take the prisoners to the holding cells?" An officer in a black GAG uniform asked.

Jacen remained silent, reminiscing about Tenel Ka and his past. He looked into the pleading eyes of his family who were searching for pity.

Weakness.

"Take them. I want maximum security on them at all times." Jacen turned and walked out the opposite doors to the cockpit, ignoring the struggle and distress his family was causing behind him. Never once looking back.

_I've become so numb…_

A/N: That's it. I personally don't like how it ended because I love Jacen and I hope that he goes back to good again. Oh well.

Other good songs that I think represent Jacen really well (by Linkin Park) are:

"Leave out all the rest" and "What I've done"


End file.
